thomas a kempis tells it like it is

"Therefore let not strange fancies disturb thee, whencesoever they arise... It is not an illusion when thou art sometimes suddenly carried away into rapture, and then suddenly art brought back to the wonted vanities of thy heart. For thou dost rather unwillingly undergo them than cause them; and so long as they displease thee and thou strivest against them, it is a merit and no loss.

"Know thou that thine old enemy altogether striveth to hinder thy pursuit after good, and to deter thee from every godly exercise, to wit, the contemplation of the saints, the pious remembrance of the passion, the profitable recollection of sin, the keeping of thy own heart, and the steadfast purpose to grow in virtue. He suggesteth to thee many evil thoughts, that he may work in thee weariness and terror... Say unto him, 'Depart."



rapture, vanities, weariness and terror, back to rapture. that's pretty much where i live, i regret to inform.