less encouraging

a bad dream about facing reality,
sitting down on the couch with my
huzbin and breaking to him the news
that i am not capable of being a
good doctor and i will be obliged
to take a hamster-wheel job in rural
wisconsin, processing patients
like they were widgets, and taking
home the six-figure income to which
every doctor, even those who flunk all
their tests and can't even speak english,
is entitled.

i can't have a happy life as a useful
integrated member of a sympatico
community, but i will have health
insurance and be able to send everybody
to college and get a new car.

i will not live amongst the ocean shores
or mountain trees, but i can pay everyone
back and there will be no doubt in anybody's
mind that i am a very normal doctor -
not, by my lights, a good doctor, and
certainly not a creative one - just a
normal one.

a bad dream about facing reality,
facing the music that says, you're not
good enough, you're not good enough,
what do you think you're trying to do,
you're definitely not good enough, who
do you think you are?

and when i woke up, i couldn't remember
if it had actually already happened
last night and was a memory-dream, or
whether it was something i'd been planning,
steeling myself to do, and so was a
planning-dream.

dreams, reality. dreams,
reality. dreams, reality.



that was just a dream.

pondress

october horoscope:

What perplexing defeat was inflicted on you once upon a time -
a defeat that you still can't figure out how to rise above?


none of your beeswax!

...You will get unexpected help and inspiration if you
make it your intention to heal what has been hard to heal.

Halloween costume suggestion: a doctor wearing a sign that says,
"Physician, heal thyself."
...sounds so simple, doesn't it?
< delete incredibly long rant about concerns about everything upcoming in the new year >

i think "the perplexing defeat," which is still difficult to rise above, has been lack of support for my vision du jour, whatever it is/was, with the implication that my endeavors have not been carefully thought out and/or are merely reactionary. this has happened many times, and has always come as a big surprise; my vision du jour always appears so sensible and constructive to me.


hands-of-the-divine are for holding
"what has been hard to heal," i suppose, has been going it alone, again and again. however, i have usually-to-always succeeded. i have seldom-to-never taken short cuts. i have practically never been locked into directions that were turning out to be mistakes - as i might have been if i were more of a team player. so that's okay. but it's always a bringdown when i find myself, once again, d-i-y'ing.

advice that i should heal myself really does sound like more of the d-i-y same.

the greater challenge lies in the words of First Wife who did the most recent tarot reading which said i would/should/could go back to what i wanted to be before i felt i had to protect myself. how many times i've pondered that!


many times.
going back to "that" has made me ever more discontent with "this" - with my current life, my work - and the way my work currently eats my entire life alive. more and more discontent, the deeper i drill down to where the top-secret, password-protected, mega-subversive, true-to-the-truest-truth jewel is in the lotus.

in some ways - i apologize for sounding, you know, corny, but, well - i've spent a year or more now grieving the loss of the Divine, the absence of her sacramental presence, but now i have an ironic inkling, a tantalizing hint, a whiff of something excellently familiar, deep down inside, where nobody else goes, where belief belongs and lives and never gives up.

stay tuned.

how to pray

excerpted answers from wikiHow

how to pray:

1. Take the time to pray.
2. Find a good location to pray.
3. Get into your prayer position.
4. Prepare for praying.
5. Begin the prayer.
6. End the prayer.





how to say a buddhist prayer:

1. Center yourself.
2. Say the following words, either silently or aloud:

May I be well, happy, and peaceful.
May my teachers be well, happy, and peaceful.
May my parents be well, happy, and peaceful.
May my relatives be well, happy, and peaceful.
May my friends be well, happy, and peaceful.
May the indifferent persons be well, happy, and peaceful.
May the unfriendly persons be well, happy, and peaceful.
May all meditators be well, happy, and peaceful.
May all beings be well, happy, and peaceful.

Visualize the beings you mention as well, happy, and peaceful, and your thoughts of loving-kindness reaching them, touching them, embracing them and making them well, happy, and peaceful.





how to avoid sabotaging your prayer life:

Stop trying to beg God for happiness. Stop harboring sin in your life. Believe. Stand firm. Love your enemy. Seek goodwill. Pray without ceasing.





how to find motivation to meditate:

1. List the reasons why you avoid meditation. Handle the problems.
2. Schedule meditation into your day.
3. Try meditating first thing in the morning or last thing at night.
4. Create a "meditation zone" in your house.
5. Find a community. Meditate with others.
6. Repeatedly remind yourself of the benefits of meditation.

Tips:
Prolonged stress can result in serious health problems. Even if you are busy, take some time to meditate.





how to use "the secret":
1. Relax your mind. Meditate for 5 to 10 minutes.

2. Know exactly what it is that you want.

3. Send a picture of what you want to the Universe. The Universe will answer. See this thing as already yours.

4. Write your wish down. Start with "I am so happy and grateful now that..."

5. Visualize it. Every day until your wish comes true close your eyes and imagine your desire as if it's happening right now.

6. Feel it. Feel now the way you will after receiving your wish.

7. Believe in the unseen. Think about this alternate dimension that is almost exactly like the real world but whatever you truly desire comes true in an instant. See yourself in that dimension.

8. Show gratitude. This will turbo boost the Universe to manifest your request faster.

9. See your request going to the Universe. Close your eyes and see your request going out.

10. Have unwavering faith.

11. Have positive thoughts and feelings. We all can't be happy all the time and this is fine. But at least think good thoughts or recall the last good thing that happened with you.

12. Relax and Allow. This is one of the most important steps in this process.

13. Be patient.

Warning:
"Be careful what you wish for, because you just may get it," is not a statement to joke around with.





how to deal with an existential crisis:

1. Understand that the problem you are facing is not your thoughts - it is your attachment to the thoughts.

2. Try to see life and your place in it as they 'really' are. Question everything and attempt to see past all social, political, spiritual and personal conditioning.

3. Turn on a light, preferably 75 watts or brighter.

4. Drink a cool glass of water.

5. Clean whatever room you're in. Don't just straighten things up, but clean. Use a cleaning product.

6. Try to voice what your problem is. Some people write full-length sentences to help determine what their issues are. Others start by writing a poem.

7. Imagine several different people you like or respect giving you advice. Don't pick anyone abusive. Try Mr. Rogers, your first grade teacher, or that person you had a crush on in 9th grade. They don't help very much, do they? But it's fun talking to them.

8. Imagine giving advice to someone else in your situation.

9. Talk to someone who loves you, like a friend or a parent.

10. Problem solve. If you can't figure out your problem, that means it's legitimate. If your solution involves making big changes, take a few days to think about it.

11. If you can't do anything about your problem right now, accept it. If it's late, go to sleep. If it's daytime, get some exercise or finish your job. Be professional.

12. Consider how well orchestrated life seems to be. Some type of consistency does appear to exist.

13. Existentialist thinkers, beginning with Nietzsche on, have foreseen a wave of nihilistic thought among future generations... Notable authors include Nietzsche, Sartre and Camus. Researching their views will lead you to other interpretations of what comes after nihilism.

14. If after exhaustive research you still feel unsatisfied, you still have gained a lot of insight into the philosophy of the situation. You must know by now that a will to truth is absurd.

15. In whatever situation you find yourself, do no harm to yourself or others, aim to create peace and enjoyment of your experiences. Even though sometimes it hurts, it will pass. Find meaning in the simple pleasures of life through your senses. Respectfully enlist the help of others.

16. Remember tomorrow is a new day.

Tips:
If you're married or live with a significant other, don't wake them up tonight if you did so last night. They love you, but have already given you the advice you need.

Don't be afraid to laugh and make fun of yourself.

Take care of your body.





how to cast a spell:

1. Choose your intention.

2. Time your spell. The full moon is the most powerful time for magical workings.

3. Work with the seasons. There is a natural time for starting things (a planting time), for maturing things (a growing time), for reaping things (a harvest time) and, of course, a time for rest.

4. Gather your tools. Don't forget to consecrate your tools before your begin.

5. Understand magic. You must know what you want. You must see it. You must feel the high energy flow. You must direct it.

6. Write your intention. You can write your spell into a rhyme to be spoken aloud; this makes it easier to remember.

7. Remember the Threefold Law. Everything that you want to reach with this spell comes back 3 times, good or wrong.

Tips:
Don't forget to cast a circle before doing any spell.





how to follow the examples of the saints:

1. Do some research on different Saints.
2. Look for what each Saint did to show their love of the Lord. Also, try to observe how they treated their peers.
3. Try to choose about five Saints that you strongly admire.
4. Locate some prayers or prayer cards about the Saints who you strongly admire. Try to pray to them at least 1-2 times a day for guidance.

Tips:
It's okay if you make mistakes every once in a while when trying to be like a Saint.





how to give up sins:

1. Abstain from sins out of love for Allah Ta'ala.
2. Develop the conscious awareness that Allah Ta'ala is with us: He is watching us, He is hearing us, He knows all and everything about us.
3. Remember the angels too are witness to all our actions, that the earth is recording our behavior.
4. Reflect daily. We should reflect over our deeds for the day and seek forgiveness for shortcomings and resolve not to return to those bad deeds.
5. Ponder over the fact that the Angel of Death does not give respite.





how to use holy water:

1. Go get a holy water holder (font). You can make your own by using a flat seashell.
2. Get holy water from your local Catholic parish. Be sure to bring a bottle.
3. Go home and pour some holy water into the holders.
4. Tell all your family about the holy water. Explain that you believe that holy water forgives the common sins. Tell them that whenever they see a holy water holder, they should dip their finger in the water, and make the sign of the cross with the wet finger.

Warning:
Do not drink holy water.





how to be an earthy girl:

1. Take up daily or weekly walks in natural places. Adopt a feel for and appreciate/enjoy nature, in general.
2. Adopt some outdoor hobbies.
3. Appreciate solitude.
4. Practice your artistic abilities.
5. Be grounded. Being grounded means being calm. It means thinking before you speak. It means being open and honest without losing your power.
6. Grow some trees.
7. Volunteer.
8. Wear "earth tone" colors. Buy clothes that will last forever.
9. Use the 3 R's. Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.

Tips:
Wearing dresses is okay.
Use essential oils to balance your energies.
Candle meditation is also an earthy girl practice.
Let your hair grow out and be free.
Never litter.

Warning:
People might call you a hippie.





how to maintain good spiritual health:

1. Have a good relationship with yourself. Some ways that often work are: keeping a journal and writing your feelings, writing poetry or short stories, take personality quizzes, and talking to yourself in a positive way.

2. Pray and talk to the Lord or whoever you worship before you go to bed each night.

3. Read a lot, not only to exercise your mind but also to improve your intelligence.

4. Meditate.

5. Have a time of day were you turn off all the TV's, iPods, and computers and just breathe deeply.

6. Listen to your inner voice and follow your gut.

7. Laugh a lot and sing aloud to your favorite song.

8. Pretend like you are seeing the world for the first time.

9. Do something for someone else every day.

10. Watch or read something uplifting.

Tips:
Smile and laugh.
Develop self confidence.
Be nice to people.





how to write a personal mission statement:

1. Make a list of what morals you hold to be good and true, and then examine your daily life, what morals are easy for you, which ones do you need to work on. Spend a few days reflecting.

2. From this list will come your statement.





how to follow gandhi's principles:

1. There are 6 principles that Gandhi followed: Truth, Nonviolence, Vegetarianism, Purity, Simplicity, Faith.

2. Understand Gandhi lived in India during the '30s and '40s when he was following these principles; we are not fighting for the same reasons.

3. Manipulate the principles to not lose the meaning behind them but be able to apply them. Here is an example:

Truth: fight your own inner demons, fear and insecurities.
Nonviolence: control your temper and also your thoughts.
Vegetarianism: control your consumption.
Purity: reduce thinking of the opposite sex as an object.
Simplicity: not buying something right away or something you don't really need.
Faith: know your values, ethics and morals.





how to be filled with the holy spirit:

1. Become a believer.

2. Confess known sin and seek and receive forgiveness. Confess sin instantly, letting no departure from God's will continue.

3. Desire to be fully controlled by the Holy Spirit. Seek this control in prayer. Do not place any conditions on what God may do in your life.

4. Claim the promise of God that he will reveal himself and fill your life.

5. Begin walking with Christ by faith.

Tips
Establish a discipline of prayer to renew your condition of surrender.





how to become a buddha:

1. Listen to teachings and 'renounce' (not abandon) the conventional world with its ideas, motivations etc.
2. Contemplate the teachings. Consider the teachings in their context and try to clarify all doubts and misconceptions you have.
3. Meditate on the teachings. Accumulating teachings and not integrating them into your life is like baking a cake and not eating it. Without meditation, the subtle points will be missed and realizations will not arise.

Tips:
Relax.





how to pray to the virgin mary:

All you need do is open your heart to her compassion.